The drive into work doesn’t get any easier when you’re driving away from the people that light up your life the most. Mornings that should be filled with breakfast /uniform drills, school runs, early afternoon chats and lunch dates with my little munchkin Daisy, cwtches, drawings, baking, and of course not forgetting the screaming tantrums, dramatic tears, the sorrys and I love yous……
In fact, it feels dreadful.
Every day starts the same…..Daisy rolls into bed at 5.50am sharp for the best cwtches (cuddles) known to wo-man. As her tiny, delicate hands make their way round my neck and she plants a now ritual kiss on my lips, I know I truly am blessed.
Then it hits me, I must get up, jump in the bath (I still can’t do showers, testament to not having one growing up. They were for the posh folk), get ready and put my ‘GAME FACE’ on…..
Commuting to Bristol from Cardiff is a nightmare. Leaving my little family behind and combatting the M4 on a daily basis is hard going. At least 3 hours a day telling myself that it’s ok to be a working mum….is it? I bloody hope so.
Growing up, I was lucky enough to learn from the best. My Nan. A strong (tough) independent woman who took zero crap from anyone…..I remember she even threw me out when I was 14 for 2 whole weeks, for failing to have her back in a family feud.
If I learnt anything from her at all, it’s how to be strong, tough skinned and to never take no for an answer. She has wholly inspired me to be a better person, professionally and of course as a role model and mother to my two beautiful children.
So, whilst my morning commute is filled with half decent music, jabbering radio DJs and quick catch up calls with those I never seem to have time to speak to (hands free!) my thoughts are never far away from this internal battle I am fighting…
I love my job. I truly do. But I love my family too…and I continue to question if I am doing the right thing. Am I being selfish? Possibly.
I get to work and all of a sudden I am a different person, the grown up independent woman I always wanted to be. I’m her. I love her, and she isn’t done….not by a long shot.
Career focussed ambitious marketer by day, loving attentive (and FUN) mother by night….and of course every weekend!
Will I regret it in years to come? I do worry that I will…..that the kids will hate me for not always being there when they needed me. Will that happen? I suppose sometimes it will…….but I am sure I am the best mum I can possibly be to them. And I’m sure it’s because the person I drive towards every day…
Dear Zachary & Daisy,
I promise to love you unconditionally,
I promise to be as strong and courageous as I can be…for you,
I promise to encourage you to do the same,
I promise to make everything most things fun,
I promise to read to you often and feed your imagination with colour,
I promise to make you laugh,
I promise to laugh back,
I promise I will probably make you cry (hopefully not too often, although I fear I might!),
I promise to always be the one you come to when you are sad, poorly or just need a hug,
I promise to stay up all night holding the sick bucket and sooth your temperature,
I promise to help you with your homework (and try not to take over) when you need me to,
I promise to bake, cook, paint, draw, jump, run and fall……
I promise to do all the things I would do if I were at home with you.
I promise to always be there for you.
P.s I keep my promises.
Something that I read last year that really touched my heart. I was thankful and grateful to the woman that wrote it: A Letter from a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother, and vice versa
So that was my first blog! I’m aiming to do a few more (I think!).
I am aiming to share my experiences as a mother, marketer, manager and novel adventurist!